According to the Department of Geology at Rocky Mountain College, it’s all falling apart.
Dr. Luke Ward published his findings on Thursday of a multi-year, single location experiment detailing the effects of structural integrity on academic reputability. “The buildings are made out of sandstone, which of course is a sedimentary material. Weathering and erosion happen over time, and according to our findings, this happens in direct correlation with academic decay as well.”
Despite attempts to only build new buildings out of modern materials to bring the small liberal arts campus into the 21st century, it seems that Rocky simply can’t run from the natural decay process. “We knew this would come eventually,” said Rocky President Bob Wilmouth. "Geology is not my expertise, but from what my experts here at Rocky have told me, our credibility only has years left. Looking back, our founders should have known better than to have built our foundations on sinking sand.”
Ward’s findings suggest that the academic erosion over the next decade will be characterized by professors trickling away like sand carried away by light rains, an exponential crumbling of classroom requirements for students, and the need for classes to be held outside year-round because of the eventual disappearance of the campus buildings entirely.