On Thursday, paleontologists from Montana State University made a remarkable discovery: the entire remains of an extinct restaurant species.
Dr. Jordy Hendrikx, department head of earth sciences at MSU, said in a press release, “It’s quite unusual to find such a complete skeleton. It’s almost as if something rather dramatic caused an immediate fossilization. We’re still looking for explanation.”
Dr. Jack Horner, who previously advised the opening of Jurassic Park, seems to think this could prove to be a fruitful business venture. “Simply put, the DNA of the restaurant isn’t quite ready to be resurrected just yet. It really needs to be preserved in amber as soon as possible, where it can age properly for a later time when we can really appreciate it’s prehistoric value. When the time is right, however, we might just be able to bring back the Rex.”
Police Chief Rich St. John assured Billings citizens of the safety precautions surrounding the experiment. “The perimeter will be charged with 10,000 volts, which will stop the Rex dead in its tracks if it gets any ideas. Let’s just say there’s a reason we’re still here and the Rex didn’t make it. Just as long as nobody gets too close, nobody should lose any fingers this time around.” St. John denied rumors of the Rex enclosure being a front for illegal raptor fighting.
A CGI blueprint for the proposed attraction can be seen below: