In a press release on Monday, Jon Tester admitted that the Devil’s Tower National Monument in Wyoming was the original inspiration for his famous flattop haircut.
“It is with great regret that I announce this formal apology to the people of Montana” said Tester during a press conference that was called to order outside Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C. “I know that I’ve previously touted that I got the crew cut to commemorate my full head of hair, but the truth is, I just wanted to look like Devil’s Tower.”
In an interview with an anonymous staffer, it was revealed that Tester seemed to believe that having such a flat top would effectively hide the parallel lines beginning to form on the edges of his forehead, trying to completely mirror the design of the tower.
“Frankly, now that this is out in the open, I feel embarrassed to call myself a Montanan. The people of Montana deserve a politician who, at the very least, will cut his or her hair in the shadow of Montana monuments.”
Following the press conference, representatives from Devil’s Tower announced plans to raise money to make a cast of Tester’s head to use for educational purposes at the monument. “This is quite possibly the best replication of a geological landmark on a human body we’ve ever encountered. We’re surprised we didn’t notice this before.”